This last week was good for me. As far as mental and emotional health goes I was fairly even. I was able to write music, do some work, finish each day feeling like I had moved forward. It was a welcome shift from what I have felt in previous weeks.
One thing which I realize has changed for me is a greater level of acceptance with the current situation. When we first went into lockdown I spent a lot of time looking at the numbers, comparing them with other numbers, reading tons of articles. I was trying to predict. Using the information as my weapon in this (losing) battle for control. But that didn’t benefit me at all. It was pointless. This situation is unprecedented. While I could compare our scenario with what is it happening another states and countries, I still just have to wait and see what happens to us. So while I still check in with the news and numbers daily, I have given up trying to predict the future. I walked away from the battle. So here I am.
Along with the acceptance has come a slower pace. It now seem to take me longer to do almost everything. And I have to say, it is kind of nice, if I don’t fight it. There is a quietness to life right now. Sometimes it feels peaceful, sometimes it feels eerie. But it is the reality.
It is a massive change from November through February which were four of the most intense months of my life. So much happened, the majority of it Great, but the pace felt bordering on a break-neck speed which (as the name would suggest) isn’t completely healthy. I was concerned I was racing towards a brick wall and at some point I was in for a nasty crash. A change had to happen. And then: hello Pandemic.
This is a time when people are facing economic ruin, health nightmares, separation and loss of loved ones. It is a very difficult time and I don’t want to minimize the grim reality of the scenario we are in. But the way I am maintaining my mental and emotional health is by looking at what is placed on my plate, and making the best of it, while also trying to help those around me with what is on their plate. (Helping others is a fantastic antidepressant, by the way. If you haven’t tried it already, give it a shot).
Embracing the snail’s pace of life right now is my daily meditation. Breathing through the moments and accepting them for what they are. I am drawn now to pay more attention and it has helped me to a place of greater appreciation for so much around me. The fact that I have beautiful trees outside my window. They often feature birds jumping around and singing. My two cats and my guy are fantastic company. I am cooking a lot again and making delicious food. I am enjoying the music I’m writing and spend a lot more time thinking about things I want to compose. Today I went for a walk in the light rain. Once I was a solid mile away from my house it turned into a downpour. I got soaked! It was glorious.
There is simply more space right now to think and to consider. There is more space to be. This space can drive you mad or it can help you grow. It may even help you heal. It is our choice. I want to be present in the reality of my life during this very strange chapter. Make like a snail and slowly move forward, one moment at a time.
Catherine Joy Music 